Attacked...

Just came back from dinner after a rather heated discussion with my colleagues from "the other side". I already knew there were some differences in our perception of the assessment tool but what i did not anticipate was that E and me would be 'attacked' the minute we stepped into their room. That's why i don't like some of the people on 'the other side' because while they professed to be 'not personal' about things and have the need to seek clarification, they also immediately make assumptions about us (E and me). The thing is, before we had the discussion, E and me actually shared a little with HOD about how we felt that the immediate needs of the teachers is to understand the developmental milestones of children and inculcating the basic mindset BEFORE we even introduce the tool. Or else, what would happen would be similiar to how training was conducted before which was a dismal failure and looking at how our teacher-colleague is faring despite 'practising' with several children, he still have so much difficulties grasping the rational and concepts to use the tool effectively.

What was shocking after this particular sharing was that when later we moved on to the HOD's room to have the formal discussion, before i could even sit down properly, one of them launch straight into 'what we have to do'. It was apparent that the HOD had shared our 'views' and they have decided to launch right into correcting what was perceived to be 'idealistic' and perhaps 'wrong' views which we have. I never had to defend my stand so hard in my working life before and to have my views devalued just because we have not actively tried out the tool seems to justify their superiority in the matter. Frankly, i don't buy that. In fact, we have a certain advantage in keeping our minds open about this tool while i felt they have lost all objectivity because they are on the platform that this tool is THE way to go. It was also quite apparent that despite their 'practises', none of the experiences helped them today while we went through the test because they weren't able to score the items accurately nor were they well-versed in the developmental levels themselves. In fact, their idea of it needed to be corrected several time during the training when they showed themselves to understand it superficially and even inaccurately (e.g. taking out the items in parts when it should be targetted to be completed in full).

I am close to losing my respect for them because while i acknowledge my lack of experience and is willing to learn, i am not willing to suffer an attack from people who professed to know more when actually they did not know qualitatively more than i do.  It was actually better to start the right way than the wrong way and having to correct yourself out of all the bad habits you formed. THAT is what have to be avoided when we enskill others!

It is very infuriating and despite the discussion coming to a close, nothing is resolved. I am a fairly expressive person but i am also introverted. Hence all this defending is extremely draining for me. Suddenly, i really feel like going home... sigh.

Perhaps things would improve.. but i highly doubt it, especially when it is clear to me that we are not 'valued' on the same platform as others along this trip and is perceived as being idealistic and 'didn't know better'.

I have a sudden urge to kick something or bite someone.